on behalf of jordan chapman - his post:

There was nothing left. Everything was gone: the buildings were reduced to rubble; trees were stripped of their leaves. Telephone and telegraph poles were the tallest structures left—it was somewhat odd how resilient they were, how they withstood the blast. The streets—if you could call them that—were filled with the remnants of humanity. The wailing, disfigured creatures wandering around were no longer human: they were nothing less than monsters.

All of humanity died that day with the blast. Those creatures that were wandering around looking for food, water, and shelter were following their primal urges the blast brought back to them. Yes—humanity had died with the city—killed off indiscriminately, without malice, and without being any sense of justice about it, that was the paradoxical nature of this new world that had been created.

Survival was due to random chance. The dead were stacked as cords of wood, or piled into putrid heaps of burning flesh. That smell filled the air—burning flesh accompanied by the rotten stench of garbage and sewage—one could basically taste it in their mouths. You’d want to gag, you’d want to vomit, but couldn’t. The sights were worse—the kind of sights that made you wish you were blind. People were crushed by falling beams or killed outright by the blast—one could see the shadow of where they last stood. Those unfortunate enough to live through Armageddon but still sentenced to damnation were pitiful. Limbs were lost and people were blind. The skin hung off of them and for some, it was replaced with glass and wood.

Coming down the hill was hope. Hope was something no being could possibly have on that day, but there it was. One could see faint light—the sun—that caused a silhouette that could be seen even against the darkness the ash caused. There she was, unscathed save for torn clothing and the dirt that covered her body. She was holding something. She walked down the hill—or was it a pile—carefully, so as not to disturb what was in her arms—her child. As she moved toward the street, remaining careful, one could see the infant more closely.

Then one would realize, that in this new world, there was no place for hope: the baby she held so closely was dead.

Four Days an Infant

Four Days an Infant


You’ll probably think I’m crazy, I know I did. It has taken me more than a lifetime to make sense of my life. I’m dead you see, have been for forever and forever will be. You too should understand my life for my life was special, my life was revealing. I don’t expect you to understand fully, these things are hard to understand for the living, still I beg you to listen to my story.
Day 1
Nine months of warmth and darkness suddenly gave way to a blinding flash I still remember to this day. The world was cold. I remember wondering what was happening as I was forcibly lifted into the welcoming arms of the lady I would come to know as my mother. The initial flash of light had faded and I was beginning to notice shapes in the world, and oh my the colors. I hated them. The combination of color, light, and cold overwhelmed me and I am certain I began to cry. Don’t think me weak for I am certain anyone would have done the same in my place. Then the rocking started, it was gentle and rhythmic, I became obsessed with it. As I focused on the rhythm I couldn’t resist nodding off thus ending my first day on Earth
Day 2
I went home today, or at least I was home when I woke up. It was on this second day I began to see the world in a new way. The experiences I once found frightful and scary were growing to be exiting. It seems as though the colors I had perceived also had shape and texture. There is one thing I have found particularly pleasing and that was the cradle of arms I had faded away in the night before. I could spend the rest of my life in those arms.
Day 3
On this day I first encountered others. In the years I have spent musing over my life I stand by one conclusion. No one can hold a candle to the hold of my mother. My third day was a torrent of being picked up in passed around to the rough unfamiliar arms of what seemed and endless stream of strangers. Those minutes I spent distant to my mothers grasp remain some of my darkest memories. I had no idea that there were things so frightening hidden in this world. That they should appear unexpectedly and with such force almost makes me grateful that my life ended when it did. Every thing new in my life appeared with such ferocity I don’t know I could have endured it for years on end.
Day 4
This day still remains much a mystery to me. I had believed that perhaps I too might grow the size of my mother. Apparently my purpose was to be born, die, and understand. You see on this day I was confronted with a second blinding flash, this one much shorter than the first. And at once everything I had once experienced ceased to be anything at all. For all the time I have spent musing I can’t stop shaking the first thought I ever had. This world is cold.

One Man said to the Other

The heat is oppressive, as the scene opens onto two men who are obviously going to die lying on the steps of the First National Bank of Hiroshima. From their clothing and the fact that the building is on fire we can determine that this scene is one of post-atomic death. We listen in on the conversation between the two men…

“I don’t know if you’re going to even understand what I’m saying,” says the first man to the second. The first man is bleeding and is clearly going to die from blood loss, while the second man has a kind of glazed look in his eyes and is non-responsive. “Nonetheless,” continues the first man in labored Japanese “I am going to talk to you. There may not even be a point, because whatever I say to you is going to be different for you than it is for me. Every story I’ve ever told my children has been different from the words I use to tell the story. Each story has taken on a new meaning for them.”

As the roof of the bank collapses, the man continues: “I’m not even that important, it must be pretty uninspiring to be lying here next to an assistant sushi chef while you die. But I had big plans, you know. I was slowly saving up my money and I was at the bank today to get a loan approved so I could open up my own restaurant. It wouldn’t be the best place in Japan, but it might be the best in the city. My son would work there and manage the restaurant when I became to old to do anything other than make sushi. Doesn’t look like that’s going to happen does it?

“But you know what? I can’t even say that I don’t care any more, because I still do. I wonder if my wife and son survived. I wonder if our newly conceived child is going to have any kind of a life to live. I sit here and wonder what you are thinking, you don’t respond to me, but I can’t help but wonder what you’re thinking”

The two lapse into silence for a while as the first man fidgets. He tries to roll over, and we realized that his legs are pinned to the ground by a large chunk of concrete. The first man speaks again “why don’t you answer me? I’ve told you about my family, and you haven’t even given me your name. I guess anonymity in death is not the worst way to go, but you would think that you would at least have the courtesy to answer me you bastard. Why are you taking this from me? I just wanted one last conversation before I die, yes, one last conversation because we’re both going to die, you know. I’m no doctor but I’m starting to feel light headed from all this blood loss and you’re shirt is stained red from the blood.”

He falls into silence again as he tries to decide what he’s going to do about this hopeless situation. He struggles a little with the concrete and shifts it a little. The concrete the slowly slides down the steps, accompanied with the first man’s agonized screams, it is slowly tearing off his foot. Before the shock can set in, the man has started coughing blood and his food is lying five feet from him. He stares in complete disbelief. “How the fuck could this happen to me?” He asks, but receives no answer. Suddenly all of the pain and fear have acted as catalysts and he lunges for the other man. He’s on top of him, spitting on him and punching him over and over in the face. The other man doesn’t respond, he seems content to take the beating as a last insult.

The first man collapses on top of him and starts to sob, for it’s all over and he knows it. He tells the second man so and wonders aloud “why will you still not speak to me? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have hurt you.” He checks the second man’s pulse and says what he knew he would have to say “Goodbye,” said one man to the other.

Irony in August

The irony that lies with winter coming in August.
Dead trees are the only things that could live through this
Snow drifts of ash overwhelming the summer heat
People lying down everywhere to escape the warm breeze.

What’s left but a dozen trees
A sky showing the past
A ground without a future
Darkness envelopes the earth as the moon rises.

These trees, so sturdy
Through a life of drought and solitude
Are the sole survivors living among the deceased
No people running of jumping
No people swinging and singing
This could have been a deserted island before
But we know it is now
Questions left unanswered.

Andrew Metcalf
Creative Narrative
4/26/2007

Preface
This narrative was inspired by a painting of the atomic bomb cloud. The painting is very serene, making the cloud look more peaceful and heavenly than destructive. My narrative tells the story of four different people as they hear about this event, each described in heavenly terms that the picture conveys. I have also placed their lives in certain “religious” roles, such as that of creator, destroyer, and the Christian doctrine of the trinity.

--------------------------------------

People always ask if you remember where you were when a tragedy occurred, and the recipient usually can recall in extraordinarily salient detail.

I was in our kitchen. That morning, cereal had been poured, eaten, spilled, and cleaned; homework completed, backpacks packed, children sent off to school; dinner planned, gossip bantered, tv watched. Outside the sun beamed through clouds as they slowly rolled across the sky. All was well, and then the news man interrupted the refrigerator commercial to tell me that the U.S. had just dropped the atomic bomb.

I was at work on the line putting heads on plastic dolls. I was the head man, my right hand man was the arm man, and on my left was the leg man. But I was the head man; I put heads on the dolls. It was easy to put the heads on right. Any mistake and you just turn it ‘round after you push it on the neck n’ shoulders. It just so happens the leg man was my son before he went off to war. Anyways, sometimes the arm man just wasn’t enough, but me or the leg man would always fix things when he put the arms on the wrong shoulders. We tried tellin’ him a million times to try and make sure he put ‘em on the right way, but the man was like a ghost and our words seemed tuh go right through ‘em. Funny that arm man was…when he did talk it was something holy. And maybe that’s why I remember so good just how it happened. He walks into that old, dark factory, looks at me, and tells me that the U.S. had just dropped the atomic bomb before he went back to deformin’ brand new arms like he’s a dumb God or something.

I was at my desk, looking out my window to the south lawn. It was overcast, humid, sultry…but neither rainy nor sunny. A lot like Independence in the fall, a lot like that smaller white home where I lived before. Things had gotten a lot bigger since then, that was for sure. So I was just sitting there, thinking, when an aide walked in and said “Mr. President, the U.S. has just dropped the atomic bomb.” I took off my thick glasses, put my hand to my forehead, and thought about my life in purgatory after I sent a city to hell with a bomb from the heavens.

Having taken Japanese literature last semester, I’ve grown to like some forms of Japanese poetry. Everyone knows haiku, which are derived from tanka, an older form of poetry. The tanka follows the 5-7-5-7-7 pattern, with the last two lines usually leading elsewhere than the first three.

Cranes above her head,
Bandaged foot slung carelessly,
She reads intently.
Hiroshima recovers
In this one surviving child.

An alphabet book
One thousand cranes for wishing
Atomic ruins
What must they think of all this
These children lead confused lives

Buildings in ruins
Has it been days, weeks, months, years?
Yet she recovers
American book in hand
She learns English as wounds heal

December Trees

When I was younger, I lived in a candy room that I was always proud to invite my friends to. The furniture in the bedroom was all hard wood, stained a dark chocolate brown. My bureau had a large ornate mirror in the center of it, and my mother arranged a variety of pink knickknacks on its flat top. It had a little wooden chair whose dark chocolate back consisted of carved curliques and plush pink velvet, like the expensive raspberry creams my father bought my mother every year on their anniversary. I had a set of tarnished silver hairbrushes that came with a matching vanity, and I used to sit on that little chair, brushing my long black hair for hours on end. Sometimes my mother would come in and brush my hair for me, until it fell in a long black sheen down my back. Sometimes when she finished she’d braid it into one long, loose braid, or two tighter ones that hung down the front of my chest. I loved it when my mother took the time to do my hair that way, because it wasn’t often.

When I was 10 years old, I got the chicken pox in my candy room, and I lay in bed for a week with a fever that topped 100 degrees and left my fair skin flushed and clammy. My mother bought calamine lotion that came in a little green bottle, and each day gave me a cool bath before putting a tiny dot of pink lotion on each itchy bump I developed. For lunch that week as I stayed home from school, she always brought me soup in bed, a different kind each day, with dry crackers on the side. I inevitably spilled a bit of it on my pink and white bedspread, but I was too sick for her to get mad at. My little brothers would come in to gawk at my ailment, and my brother John, who was just learning to count, once came in with a pen to write a number next to each pink-smeared bump; my mother was not pleased with his counting game, however, and admonished us both that I might get ink poisoning. I had no idea what ink poisoning was, but always hated when my mother chided me, because she didn’t often do that either.

When I was 15, I came home from school to find my candy room dismantled. My mother stood disheveled beside my bed, pulling apart my sheets and blankets, throwing them in a heap on the floor. When I asked what she was doing, she glanced over at me with a crazed look in her eyes, telling me that the room was too childish now that I was an adult. I didn’t at all feel like an adult. I was a sophomore that year, and had a steady boyfriend named Jack whom I did nothing more with than peck on the cheek before my classes started, and who walked me home on Friday afternoons while holding my hand. I had the body of a woman, but was still very much a little girl who treasured her candy room with its tarnished vanity and memories of my mother brushing my hair. My mother, I realized with a start as she collected my treasures from my desk and threw them into a large black garbage bag, had herself been 15 when the atomic bomb was dropped over Hiroshima, her hometown.

I remember pleading with my mother to let me keep my vanity and my hairbrushes. I didn’t understand why she was simply disposing of the music box I’d been given by my paternal grandfather when I was born. It still worked perfectly, and played “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” when you wound it. I’d spent hours winding its thin little handle and singing the words to the song along to the stilted melody the music box produced. I watched as she gathered my sheets and blankets into a wadded heap, and picked them up all at once. They seemed to engulf her tiny frame as she waddled over to the balcony of the staircase and threw my bedding over the banister and onto the floor of our living room, where they landed with a rush of air and a swirl of dust.

“Come on, Debbie. We’re going to the store to buy you some new bedding,” she said to me as she descended our spiral staircase, her hair looking frazzled and slightly damp with the exertion it took to dismantle the room I’d kept neatly organized for 15 years. I just stared at her. I went back to my room, sat in my velvet candy chair, and stared at my face in the mirror, imagining what it must have been like for her, with a face as old as mine, facing the tragedies she’d seen. I couldn’t imagine it, and I couldn’t forgive her for what I imagined was her effort to make me understand the pain she’d gone through.

When my son Julian got the chicken pox from a little girl who attended his 5th birthday party, I’d suddenly recalled my own bout with the illness, a period I’d completely forgotten. Much about raising Julian had reminded me of my childhood, but I’d just as quickly pushed most of those memories away. I bought calamine lotion for Julian the same way my mother had for me, and then he and I spent hours numbering his pox with non-toxic markers, laughing and turning those that were close together into tiny funny faces. When he was 7, Julian awoke in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat, screaming incoherently. When I got to him, he was sitting upright in his bed, babbling to me about the monsters he’d seen in his dream. His breath came in quick, ragged gasps and his words were strangled as he tried to convey the horror of his nightmare to me.

“They were trying to get you, Mommy,” he’d said, and then hiccupped. “They wanted to get Daddy too, and I couldn’t save you! I couldn’t! They were going to get you, they were chasing you!” He sat there gasping as tears rolled down his cheeks. I remembered hysteria then, and marveled that I’d ever been able to forget it in the first place. My mother had often had similar dreams, although not about monsters. The hysteria, however, was identical.

My mother married late, or at least comparatively late for her generation. She’d moved with her sister and brother to the United States when she was 20, all of them determined to learn the language and get good jobs. My mother was a secretary for a while, and then became a teacher. Prejudice persisted in the United States against those of Japanese heritage, and she began to research Hawaii, deciding that maybe the move there would make her feel closer to home. She relocated to Maui and met my father, who was a fellow teacher. I was born in Maui, and then my mother and father moved to Nebraska, where her siblings had settled. She said she’d wanted me to have aunts and uncles and a sense of roots that she didn’t think Hawaii could afford me. I always wondered how she could leave Hawaii’s sun-drenched beaches for Nebraska’s stark landscape and biting winters, but she never complained. I surmised later that she wasn’t happy there after all, and wasn’t worried about me so much as she just wanted a change, and to be near people who could support her if she faltered.

My mother faltered often. She went through spells of what she called “melancholy.” I didn’t know what melancholy meant until I was in high school, and when I finally understood what my mother had meant when she’d said all those years that she was having a “melancholy spell,” I could almost feel my heart physically wrench in my chest. When my mother was having one of her spells, I became responsible for making dinners, packing lunches, cleaning, and doing the laundry. My mother stopped working when my brothers and I were born, and my father was forced to work two jobs. By day, he was Mr. Irogama, beloved teacher at Eisenhower Elementary School, and by night he was Yamoto, serving cold bottles of beer, and drinks on the rocks, to the neighborhood fathers at McGinley’s bar. He always came home spelling of whiskey, his drink of choice, and stale cigarette smoke.

I learned early how to manage a household. When one of my little brothers got a good grade on a test or scraped his knee and needed hydrogen peroxide and a bandage, he came to me. My mother didn’t see the daily hassles of our family, only the serious problems and celebrations. She spent most of every day in bed, but she was there for every birthday as we blew out candles and took pictures. She was there when my father couldn’t pay the electric bill and we didn’t have electricity for four days, helping us to use matches to light candles. She was there when John broke his leg climbing the maple tree in the backyard, and drove us to the emergency room. She stayed in the waiting room while I went with my brother to have his leg set and plastered into a cast. I taught him later how to use his crutches. They were loaner crutches and my mother drove them back to the hospital when John got his cast off.

The younger I was, the more I accepted her behavior. The older I got, the more it puzzled and angered me. My friends’ mothers were taking them shopping for bell bottoms and new cars on their 16th birthdays. My mother was admonishing me that I wasn’t growing up quickly enough. She told me repeatedly that I didn’t know what true suffering was, and that I should be grateful that my father provided for me. At 16, she often reminded me, she was working in a suburb of Hiroshima, making barely enough to feed herself, while simultaneously caring for her younger siblings. I found it ironic that she mentioned this: she hadn’t worked since the day I was born, while I spent all my free time envying my friends for their “normal” mothers, and making sure my brothers stayed out of trouble.

When Julian had his nightmare about family-chasing monsters, I suddenly remembered the many nights I’d stayed awake, just to watch my mother sleep and count the rises and falls of her thin chest. When she awoke screaming, my father was always miles away, tending bar in the center of town. I feared that my brothers would hear our mother’s screams, and did everything in my power to protect them from that side of her. I’d rush to her room to find her sitting wild-eyed in the center of my parents’ queen-size bed, and I’d sit next to her and reach for her hand. At first, she’d always fight me. Most of the time she’d still be dreaming, and she’d speak of how my skin was melting, or ask what was wrong with my eyes. Sometimes she thought I was her mother, and she’d inquire after her siblings, her father, or her old neighbors. When she snapped out of her wild phase, she’d sit there gulping for air like a fish out of water, her eyes wide and glassy. She’d use one hand to push her damp hair back from her face, and would rest the other hand on her neck, letting it slide down until it rested just above her breasts.

When I was 18, my mother had her last nightmare. I rushed in as usual, and she looked at me, horrified, and told me that I was badly burned. She wanted to know where her siblings where, and complained that something had fallen on her head and she thought it was bleeding. She began screaming that we had to leave before the fire got any closer, frantically pointing toward her bedroom windows as though they were themselves ablaze. The wild look faded slowly, as it always did, and when it was gone there was only a blank staring, as she realized I was not her mother, but her daughter.

“Oh, Debbie, honey. I’m so sorry. I can’t help these nightmares. I just…” She choked on the ending to her sentence.

“I just can’t do this anymore,” she said, and began to sob. She put her head in her hands in such a way that I was sure her head would roll off her neck if she took her palms away from her face. Sobs wracked her body. I pitied the woman sitting in front of me, who was in such obvious pain. Suddenly, however, I could not pity her. Anger leapt into my chest, hot and bright like the fire of my mother’s nightmares, and I felt adrenaline spurting into my veins, making my heart beat hard against my chest plate. This woman in front of me was just a woman, not my mother. She’d never been nurturing; she’d never been able to be nurturing. She’d stolen my childhood from me because she was too weak to keep herself together. She’d missed out on a real life because she couldn’t just accept things and move on. She’d ruined a lot of things for both of us, and for no reason other than that she was too selfish to think of anyone but herself, and of anything but the past.

“You know, Mom,” I said, “it happened. We all know it happened. Why can’t you let it go? Why can’t you just be fucking normal, and get out of bed once in a while to take care of your children? We didn’t ask you to bring us into this world, but you did it anyway and then decided that you didn’t care anymore. Do you think I like taking care of John and Alex like they’re my own sons? I’m 18. I don’t have any children. But I’m sure as hell taking care of yours, and have been for years! Do you think I like coming in here and having to comfort you, when you were never there to comfort any of us? Do you think it’s appropriate that you dream that I’m your mother? Do you? Do you? Fucking answer me, Mom!” I screamed.

I realized, when I finished my tirade, that I’d been screaming loudly. My younger brothers were standing in the hallway, peeking through the crack of the open door. I glared at them and ordered them to get back to their rooms and stay there. They fled, and I turned back to face my mother.

My mother just looked at me, her almond-shaped eyes dark and foreboding, glistening in the dim light that streamed in through windows from the streetlights. Her cheeks were flushed from the nightmare and sticky with tears. She stared at me for what seemed like forever, and then turned her head away slowly to stare out the window at the bare branches of the trees that lined our street. It was December, a few days before Christmas, and the wind gave a desolate howl as she slowly lowered herself back onto her pillow and turned her back on me.

I left her room then, and when I went in to apologize to her in the morning, she wasn’t lying in bed. I checked the bathroom and the room my brothers shared before I went downstairs to check the kitchen, the living room, my father’s study, and the downstairs bathroom. We had a wooden patio with a sliding door and I expected to see her sitting outside, maybe smoking a cigarette on a lawn chair, her breath coming in foggy puffs.

Instead, I saw her lying in the grass under the maple tree that John fell out of the time he broke his leg. My father’s hunting rifle was at her side, and her blood had pooled next to her and begun to run slightly toward the tree behind her. Even from my vantage point, I could see that her lips were blue and lifeless.
I sunk into the lawn chair next to me, and put my head in my hands the way I’d seen my mother do the night before. And then I screamed.

Questions Unanswered

What was his name?
Whose son was he?
How old was he?
What future could he have had?
Those questions don’t matter know

Would he have made something of himself?
Would he have lived in an age of peace?
What friends would he have made?
What friends would he have lost?
Those questions will never have answers

Would he have found his soul mate?
Would he have had his own children?
Would he have lived a good life?
Who would remember him after he was gone?
The answers don’t matter

Would he have been a doctor?
A lawyer?
A scholar?
A poet?
Who knows what he could have done

Why did he die before his time?
Who will remember the fallen?
What will we do to stop this from ever happening again?
How can we make sure his death won’t be forgotten?
These are the questions that need to be answered

14

In one of the greatest ironies of my life, two weeks and a day before graduation, I was I only had two weeks left on this earth. The rest of my class, the professors, and the world as a whole was just as surprised by the news as I was. It was almost as if the planet, once filled to bursting with activity, spinning around the sun at a million miles an hour like an over caffeinated child around her mother, suddenly sobered up mid-circle and realized just how cold it was getting outside. When the announcement was read by a graying but still rather charismatic newscaster, who now appeared slightingly startled yet still surprisingly composed (worthy of whatever award newscasters receive these days), I could have sworn the world had simply misheard him. “Of course, the signs are all there,” he told the befuddled public with a very straight face a million times over on repeat, twenty four hours a day for all of the two weeks. “Each and every t’s is crossed and all the i’s have their dot.” All we had let to do was wait for was the missing period to cap us off.
I personally found learned the news at work, in the corner office of the corner build making up the Senatorial complex. With only two weeks before I leave school, and with it this job and city, I wasn’t really too keen on working, but still went out of obligation. Originally I went to find work as some sort of fulltime staffer on the hill, a wet dream for a political science major just about to graduate, but to little avail. As a substitute, I found work in a cramp, stuffy backroom which had the smell of a library despite the lack of books and the overly bright ceiling light. The room’s books had been replaced with stacks of mail pouring out of every possible nook and cranny which could be readily labeled. Even from the very moment one walks in, a wall of “Immigration”, “Abortion”, “Iraq”, “Taxes”, “Environment”, “Education”, “Welfare” would assault you with it’s armament of manila folders, post cards, and constituent mail haphazardly stacked in every available slot. As if in a final show of defiance, even the smallest handwritten note and quarter page mass mailings were recruited to stand in this imposing battlement as a last ditch effort to keep you from entering their kingdom. Yet some how I was always able to sneak past these guards at their post, sit at my desk, and read letters not intended for me.
After reading what must have been the twelfth unnecessarily wordy “Defense” letter since I showed up that morning, a second spy managed to slip past the finale stand.
“Hey, ah…I think it’s ok if we leave.”
This was of course, how I found out. By the young women whose name escapes me. All I know about her was that she worked the phones in the fount desk and our mutual boss probably sent her.
“Why?”
“The world is coming to a, ah… it’s coming to an end. I think. That’s what they just announced on CNN, Fox News conformed.”
“What?”
“Yea, I know, don’t ask me, it was on the news. All I know is that I was told to tell you that it’s for you to leave if you wanted to. I am going home.”
She fidgeted nervously with the end of her shirt, perhaps unsure if she was really telling the right “you” (who the hell was this guy anyway?). I looked at the stacks of mail that were pouring from the walls like it was the fake blood from some B-rate horror film. I tried to imagine what demon would slowly be filling this cramped, stuffy room, and wondered if I’d have time to fight it off and finish this mail before the world ended.
“Ok,” I replied, unsure what to say next, “Thanks.”
“Ok.”
She stood there for a moment, opened her mouth as if to say something, and then closed it again, before finally slipping back past the guards and closing the door with a soft click behind her. And in reflection, I’ve come up with worse excuses for skipping work, so I decided to take the rest of the day off.

10

Work had resumed and exams are still expected to take place within the next couple of days. The only difference that I could see came from the never ending flow coming and going from the churches, synagogues, and the found just off campus. Before, I hadn’t really noticed these old, decrepit buildings but now they seem to of taken center stage. Out side each of these buildings stood their respective welcoming committee just in case the coming Jesus, Elijah, or al-Mahdi should happen to walk by without announcing himself first. These welcoming committees lingered on sidewalks smoking cigarettes and talking quietly, nervously trying to figure out what sort of gift or token they should give to their redeemer. Should the savior of souls should be showered with gifts our merely revered? Should we follow him down the street if he should walk by or would this irritate him? The question that was most pressing but never asked was the one I was worried about. Why is this celebrated like it’s a good event? Where am I going after all of this is said and done?
Yet despite the openness and acceptance for the redeemers, the local people inside were faced with repentance, brimstone, and the end of days as tears and screams poured from every pulpit in the city onto the crowds below. Yet the more emotional the sermon, the more the congregations drifted away in their own thoughts.
This was true for all of the houses of worship I had encountered in those two weeks but one. While on my way back from the library, sometime after midnight, I passed by a student run synagogue which had remained open continuously for the past several days. Inside the small brick building that I’ve always walked past but had never be moved enough to enter, the quite murmur of prayer could be heard from an open window. I hadn’t been inside since I was a child, bored beyond belief while my friends played on Friday nights, but perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to step inside and rest awhile.
Inside, the room was small but fairly crowed with chairs and the occasional bowed head. The student leading the service was buried in a book, reading aloud in Hebrew (a language I’ve absolutely no knowledge of), and dressed in the most disheveled blue button down shirt I had ever seen. Prayer books and copies of the Torah lined the door way, so I picked up a Torah and stealthily crept to the back of the room to read. The story of the beginning of the world felt like a good place to start when facing it’s end.

When God began to create heaven and earth – the earth being unformed and void, with darkness over the surface of the deep and a wind from God sweeping over the water – God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness He called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, a first day.

Despite any attempts at stealth, the book in my hands had exposed the worries that had brought me here. As I read the image of a dark night’s sky above, as deep and black as ink, hung high over a perfectly smooth lake of black water. This water looked to be like glass, thick, without a ripple nor imperfection to be found on its surface. The above and below married each other on the horizon, miles and miles out at sea. A slight breeze was coming from that horizon. Suddenly, out of no where, the will for light had produced a single glimmer of light far out in the horizon. The first dawn. This light grew into the sky like a plant rising from the water, blowing the wind away from it faster and faster, which in turn, disturbing the water below to the point of crest waves. The light continued to expand outward and upward, displacing what was left of my darkness, until all was illuminated.

5

All of my exams are over, which is a relief, and I even managed to leave work a few days early despite the fact congress was still in session. On my last day of work I decided to walk home one last time since I wasn’t sure I’d be in the neighbored for a while. I pasted the Convention Center and the clusters of women and dejected husbands attending the gardening expo in town that week, through Chinatown which by now was filled to the brim with tourists and exotic smells, and past the crowded New York Ave Church, White House, and a pizza place that I used to always go to. I was relieved to see that they all appearing exactly has they had been a week and a half ago.
When I finally made it back to my dorm, a quick glance around the room told me that my roommate was out somewhere and it would be alright if I turned on the TV for a while. The graying but still charismatic newscaster that looked slightingly startled yet still surprisingly well composed was on. I caught him just in time to hear to hear his famous new line which had already gotten to be a little stale.
“Of course, the signs are all there. Each and every t’s was crossed and all the i’s have their dot. But now, a look at the market place.”
I crashed into bed, displacing some of the old clothes and papers that had been sleeping there before I came in and woke them. Beside my bed there was a stack of books about half a dozen or more high that I was supposed to read for friends, family, and my own fun. The walls were adorn with varies posters, photos, and the occasional delivery menu. It was nothing more than a fairly typical dorm room, but at least it was mine for the next couple of days.
“…closing today at a low but still significantly higher than last quarter. Well, that does it for financial news, let’s check back in with Wolfe for any new developments that may of come up as we approach the…”
Rolling over, I blindly grab for the stack of novels of about a half a dozen or more high that I should be reading. The first book I picked up was actually a comic book called Pizzeria Kamikaze that I had been saving for a free afternoon. I opened it up and began reading the first page.
I think she cried at my funeral. It is not like I’m conceited or anything, sometimes I can actually picture her talking about me to some guy she feels closed to. Talking about me dying. About how they lowered me into the grave…
“…exactly five days and eight hours are left on the big board here in the Situation Room. Stay tuned for our panel of experts coming up after the break…
I didn’t feel like reading anything so depressing and fished out another book from the pile. On the end of the line was a book a friend had given on my birthday one or two months ago called Cat’s Cradle. My friend was huge Vonnegut fan and got the book more out of remorse for his death than my own birthday. But still, it looked like it might be interesting enough for a quick glance. I opened it up to a random page and started reading. Chapter 23 seemed as good a place to start as any other.
Dr. Breed was mistaken about at least one thing: there was such a thing as ice-nine. And Ice-nice was on earth. Ice-nine was the last gift Felix Hoenikker created for mankind before going to his just reward.
Maybe I’m just feeling too restless to read any and put the intangible novel down. I looked over the side of the bed to see if anything of interest was down there, but concluded I wasn’t in a good reading mood.
“…You see, I just don’t agree with you. You’re theory sounds too naive to be taken realistically. Don’t you understand that…”
The tv was getting annoying so I turned it off and sat in silence. A couple of tylenal pills and a hot shower later, and I was in bed ready to get enough sleep for when day four came around.

1

I went out drinking with friends the night before and slept though the day.

I left my brother in the hills. His foot was caught in the rubble. A flaming log fell heavily on my brother's leg and pinned him to the forest floor. He twisted and and shook, but the log's weight was too much. I grabbed him by both arms, yet his limp body would not budge. I was confused. The weight was too much and the fire was climbiing the log. The heat and smoke began to blanket the forest and I could see the wall of fire moving closer to where I stood. I placed my back against a tree and watched the fire consume my brother's leg. I could not avail my brother and tears covered my cheeks as I tried again to lift the burning log. My brother released a shrill, yet I was impotent. His fishing pole sank to the forest floor as he clenched his face in pain. My brother screamed in anguish, but he realized he was hopeless. I could not lift the log and a calm set over him. My brother realized his destiny; mired under the burning log. I watched in horror because my brother accepted his own death.
The fire razed the forest and flames licked at the trees in every color of the light spectrum. The lake where my brother and I fished was consumed in flames. The lake reflected the fiery scene and burning branches broke the calm of the water.
I turned to my brother, his body consumed in flames and I placed my tattered black t-shirt over his pallid face. I could not look into his young and tortured eyes. I could feel the heat press up against my bare chest. The smoke crawled closer through the pristine forest air. I took one last look at my brother and touched the masking t-shirt and mumbled "your heart beat is mine." I left my brother in the forest; I clambered beaneath the burning timbers and circled the engulfed lake.
I felt a sense of urgency, yet I had no where to turn. The flames ravaged my city. The lake was once my haven, a place where my brother and I could find serenity , but now it was a grave for my kin. The black shreedded t-shirt still haunts me; I can see the black outline of my brother's eyes, nose and mouth.
The flames consumed the forest. Wood cinders and rain cascaded to the forest floor. The rain puddled on my skin and washed the soot that congregated on my chest. The ash from my brother's fire was washed away. All that was left were the effervescent flames in the forest canopy.

An island in an ocean of flame
It once offered protection; no more
Those who took shelter are gone
Like those who tried to reach the shore

Bodies like flotsam, surrounding their goal
Floating beneath a sky of fire
Lying on a bed of searing, scorching flame
A sea that keeps rising higher

No refuge from the red and orange waves
Heat consumes ourselves and our nation
The island sprouts cracks and begins to break
In the face of a more powerful creation

Above the sea despite the rising tide
It survived the heat and blast
But it was not enough to save us
And neither us nor it will last

In the beginning, there were elements. Carbon, hydrogen, oxygen—elements that brought forth and sustained life. But then there was man, and leave it up to them to give everything a sinister purpose. On that day, that day I will never forget, man turned these elements into destructive particles with unimaginable power. The elements exploded with such energy that the skin was hanging off of our bodies—melted. As I sat there, watching them die, barely holding on to life myself, I wondered: what does man have to hope for in a world where the ingredients of life that once sustained us can be used to destroy on an unimaginable scale? And as I was pondering that question, a man answered it for me, as he plunged his head into the water and drowned himself. “Nothing,” he said.

It seems so long ago, for I was much younger when it happened, and I have grown and learned so much since then. I was one of the lucky ones, but not lucky enough to run blindly from the city. I saw many horrific things that day but nothing can erase her from my mind. I had seen her regularly almost every day, but never approached her. On my walk through the city I would pass her standing near her home, by a great stone wall where she stood, observing the bustling city. It was like clockwork. When I passed, she would nod as if she knew me, we had an unspoken understanding. I admired this woman so strong, she always looked so proud. She had skin like porcelain and was always beautifully dressed in silk. We never spoke, and yet her presence comforted me, she was so loyal.

The day the city exploded, I managed to gather myself and run to safety. Among the burning buildings and dying people I saw her. She did not look strong or wise. Her once beautiful porcelain skin was red and burnt and her hair stuck to the open sores. Her silk dress had been torn and it too stuck to her mangled body and she sucked her raw fingers and shook in fear. She looked scared and defeated as she leaned against the stone wall where I had seen her every day, where she once looked confident and wise. Of all the things I saw that day, this image I will never forget. Someone I had perceived to be wise and strong, a source of comfort to me, destroyed by the bomb.

All of the years I saw this woman, I never thought to ask her name. I wish I had so I could remember and honor her death properly. For years after I saw her there, hanging on to life by a single thread, I struggled not knowing what to call her, the woman who had silently comforted me all of those years. It took me this long, but I know who this woman was and what she stands for in my mind. I call her Hiroshima.

Field Trip.

In the middle of History
The school house was collapsed by sound.
Stripped of our souls and clothes
Teacher leads into the outside,
Which is as simple was stepping over the rubble.
Hell rages around us; scents of flesh and wood rise into the air.
On a field trip
We line up single-file.
Teacher raises her hand-follow me-
I obey; the order is not to be questioned.
The skin from my forearms is gone
Flesh whisked into the atmosphere with the flames.
The school is gone
Into the ground where from where it became.
We pass two students from another academy
They stand without moving, they are burned worse than I
We attempt to pause, but Teacher shoots her hand into the air
We stand at attention, and We Follow.

the ringmaster's turn

below is a poem dedicated to my *stellar* uw20 students from this past semester:

"untitled"


forceps pluck at my dissolution material
the bloodied beak of a ravished vulture

tears the flesh off my face and therefore
leaves less to tear but black rain that

stinks most foul staining in memoriam the ink-jet cloud

was it cumulonimbus? or: how i learned to love just nimbus.

they do not know that when i sleep
the octopus blooms
her liquid night upon me
and i awake, thinking i am she
with the doctors in my mouth.

Hands of Hiroshima

A reach out
A final cry into the vast emptiness

A hand that seen the destruction
Stretching past charred ruins
A hand that harbors the fondest of memories
Stretching past forgotten corpses
A hand that beckons for mercy
Stretching past faceless screams

Into the darkest of mornings

What were once wrists
That twisted to wave goodbye
Do it one final time

What were once palms
That caressed the cheek of every son and daughter
Melt into painful obscurity

What were once fingers
That pointed out the mistakes of man
Curl in an agonizing manner

Skin radiating as bright as the flash
Bone to dust as quickly as the heat wave
Screams as deafening as the roar of the explosion
Bones broken and bent as the buildings are

A final cry into the vast emptiness
Not heard, for it has no voice
Crushed under the pain of thousands
A hand without a face, or name
Becomes the hand of all

First one, then two, then thousands
The hands of the forgotten
Reaching out
Together
One final time